~Ice~
by Cold Fire
Summary: people used to love Serena, because of her warm spirit. they used to hate her for everything else. but she's changed. nothing is warm about her anymore. everything she is has become ~ice~.
1. changed

          Hey everyone!!! Dis is officially mai new fanfic…kinda ooc, but still…-sigh- I guess its tym 4 da disclaimer…

I don't own sailor moon, so don't sue me. ^^

Anyway, if you liked the first chapter, please review, and…um…well, constructive criticism is always welcome, or if you have any other ideas. Hope you enjoy!!

~Ice~

          Serena Tsukino skipped happily down the cream colored pavement as she pushed the dirty black doors open of the infamous crown arcade. 'I have a date with Motoki tonight! This is the second time he's asked me out, I'm so exited!' At sixteen years old, this blonde haired teenager quickly rushed in to talk to motoki, only to see at her right, Rei, Ami, Lita, Mina, and Mamoru were sitting in a booth, deep in conversation. Hoping she wouldn't be heard, Serena tip-toed across the checkered tile floor, aware that her custom black uniform shoes were making a –click clack- sound. 'stupid shoes.'  She arrived at the booth, hiding behind a wall, but still straining to hear. 'are they having a senshi meeting…without me?' just then, motoki decided to come over and make a little small talk. 

          "So, what have you guys been talking about?" curious eyes fell upon the 5 people.

          "Serena."  Her breath caught in the back of her throat. 'It's…ME they're talking about…' 

Rei looked like she was about to explode. She slammed her fist on the wooden table and the fire was visible in her eyes.

          "She's so clumsy! Never does ANYTHING right! Man, sometimes I just want to strangle her…"

          "She never gets good grades. All those 35's on tests and quizzes." Ami remarked, with a note of contempt in her voice. 

Each person had a turn, either talking about how stupid she was, or what a ditz she had become. But Motoki's statement hurt her the most.

          "And..i really don't want to break it to her that I was only kidding about asking her out…" Serena's ocean blue eyes widened.

          "Like anyone would WANT to go out with her…she's too much of a Meatball Head." Mamoru spat out. 

          "you know, if only she could change, then maybe some of us would think she was a little worthy to be our princess…"

          "Princess? What are you talking abo-oh! I have another customer! I'll catch you guys later, ok?" Andrew hurried off, taking the order of a random passerby.

_'they want me to change. They want me to be better, because they can't accept who I am. _Tears threatened to fall, but Serena refused to let them. _'well, I'll show them. I'll show them…who I really am. So they had better be ready.'_  

~!!!~

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP…_Serena heard the alarm clock fill its annoying little sound through the whole room. She had purposely set it to five o'clock today, still not getting enough sleep as she was studying the whole night. _'algebra…what a pain.' _ She slowly got up out of her pink queen size bed, and eyed herself in the vanity mirror. _'this…this isn't me. Or rather…this isn't what anyone wants me to be.'_ Before she could stop herself, Serena grabbed the pair of scissors lying on the bed stand. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed her hair and started snipping. By the time it was 5:30, the new Serena Tsukino had lost the meatballs. Now, it was just shoulder length hair. How she managed to get all of her hair evenly cut, I have no idea. But hey, these were talents. ;)

_'I'm not…going to give anyone my trust again…because all that leads to is that they're backstabbers. What's the point of being so happy, when everyone just criticizes you for it?_' She slipped on her uniform after taking a shower, and walked out the door, grabbing a cereal bar from the pantry. _'so what if I AM still the happy go lucky girl? It doesn't mean…it doesn't mean I cant pretend. If they want a different me, well, here they go. _ Putting up a front, her once happy eyes became cold, uncaring. –click clack click clack…- Serena's shoes sounded like they echoed, as she was the only teenager, or person, for that matter, walking down the sidewalk. The sun had begun to rise, and she took a little time to look at it, as the eyes that were once warm froze up, leaving a void to anyone who would look at them. 

 The former Meatball Head walked in the doors of room A317, giving no thought to Ms. Haruna, who abruptly turned her face towards the teenager. 

          "Tsukino?!" the astounded teacher exclaimed, after a period of time. It had taken a while for the shock to register in her brain. 

Bitter eyes turned to look at Ms. Haruna, not saying a word, yet however, it seemed like she was allowing the teacher to speak.  Serena waited for an answer, a statement, a comment, whatever. She had not expected her dumbfounded professor to just sit there and stare at her. They stood like that for eternity, so it seemed, until most of the class piled in, wearing down the soft teal carpet. Then something clicked, and she felt the urge to make an announcement. 

          "LOOK EVERYONE! SERENA IS ACTUALLY HERE **ON TIME**!  Wow, that's next, a **36** instead of a 35 on your test today?! Everyone broke out in loud laughter, and the girl was actually hurt, no matter how much she hid it, or how well for that matter. But instead of crying, like everyone had thought she would, she bit back, snapping at her educator with an aloof tone.

          "This is a fine example of your professionalism, Ms. Haruna. Or may I say, after your remark, you have none. Please get on with the lesson, I have better things to do than waste my time listening to a middle aged teacher neglect her responsibilities." Every single student stood in shock at what they had just heard. Just then, Ami, Mina, Lita, and sauntered in, laughing at some joke they had heard. The trio stopped suddenly as they noticed the class was speechless, the teacher was blushing, and Serena turned to face them with a chilling severity. 

          "Just because I used to be late" she said, disdainfully "doesn't mean, that it should be rubbing off on you three. Maybe you should consider getting here earlier." Serena sate down in the plastic yellow chair, waiting for the lesson to begin. Taking notes on everything the stuttering teacher reviewed on, the changed girl was finally taking things seriously. However, there were three certain girls who kept eyeing her strangely. Actually, the whole class eyed her strangely, but those three more than others. After the bell rang, she walked past them until Mina stopped her, gently holding her arm.

          "What was up with that little lecture you gave us?! And what happened to your hair!?"

          "Nothing was 'up'." Her fingers made the little quotation mark sign. "you should be more serious about arriving on time."

          "YOU were the one who was always late!" Ami almost yelled.

          "Well, now YOU are. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to be going to my next class. You wouldn't want me to be **late**, now would you?" Serena sauntered past them, her eyes flickering in amusement as she saw her "friends" exasperation through her peripheral view. Then, they turned cold again. After school, she went down to the crown arcade, a plan formulating in her head. _'i'll show them the true me during battle…yes…and then, they'll feel the pain I did when I overheard them…'_  forgetting about the plan that she had hatched as Serena walked in the arcade, she went up to Motoki. Seeing her, he had already made the traditional double chocolate milkshake, and it was ready for her as she got onto the stool she usually sat at. A glimmer of desire flashed in her eyes, until she remembered where she was and what was happening. 

          "what is THIS?" Serena eyed the shake with disgust.

          "your…milkshake?" Motoki raised a single eyebrow, feeling like he was being interrogated for bad service.

          "Thanks anyway, but could you just give me a small cup of coffee?" she took out a notepad, scribbling something on it nonchalantly. 

          "Aren't you a little young to be drinking coffee?"

Serena hopped off the stool. "Starbucks could definitely use the business I guess."

Faster than someone could blink an eye, a Styrofoam cup of black liquid was placed in front of her. 

          "oh yeah, Serena," he said, ignoring her new haircut, deciding it was a teenage "phase" "why weren't you at the movies for our date yesterday?" 

surprise became apparent. 

          "Were you really there? Oh my gosh, I thought you knew I was just kidding!" a look of pity came across her face, as Motoki hung his head, trying to stop the blush from staining his cheeks. _'serves him right, playing my feelings like that.'_  The little bells jingled, and all of a sudden the rest of her "friends" came in, laughing and having a good time. Serena felt a pang of hurt in her heart._ 'are they really having that much fun without me? Well, no matter. I've probably always been on my own in the first place._'

~!!~

Rei and Mamoru gasped as they took in their former fun-loving leader. Well, they gasped as the rest of them just grimaced. 

_'not only has she changed physically…but mentally too. You can see it in her eyes. Shes not the same. And she almost certainly never will be.'_ Mamoru thought. _'still, it never hurts to try to get her attention by teasing her. Its always…so fun getting her mad.'_  

          "Hey Meatball Head! What's with the new attitude, is it 'pretend-to-be-smart' day?"_ 'that ought to get her riled up…'_ Mamoru waited for the tears, or the deafening scream, but it never came. Instead, Serena put her small black notebook in her purse and hopped off the stool, making a beeline for Mamoru. With precise calmness, or rather, coldness, she began to speak to him. 

          "listen up, and listen good. Do you see any buns on my head? No? then I suggest you leave the immature attitude at home. And if you have no other social life other than to TRY to piss me off, well, I guess I cant blame you. Its not really suiting for you to have something actually useful to do. So, if you'll excuse me, I have something productive to do. Unlike some of us here." She grabbed her coffee, which was still steaming hot, not bothering to put a lid on it, and started to walk out the door. The teenage blonde haired beauty was stopped, nonetheless, by an angry raven haired girl, seizing her wrist.

          "what do you think you're doing?! Apologi-augh!" before Rei could say any more, Serena, in one quick movement, dumped the scalding hot coffee on Rei's school uniform. Then she walked out, not bothering to say even a quick goodbye. _'they don't **deserve** a goodbye.'_  Walking home, she opened the dark green wooden door of her blue stucco house, closed it behind her, and sat on the steps of the stairway directly in front of her. at long last, she let her mask down. _'Today…they hurt me. Everyone hurt me, to no end. And I almost thought I couldn't go through with this. It pained me…to shock them so much, and to be so mean and cold to them…but…in the end…it felt so good…_

~!

 Hey, peoples!! This is the finished first chapter of "ice" and I hope you stayed awake long enough to read it T.T  well, there wasn't a lot of romance in this chapter, but rest assured, there will be! Anyway, I hope I'll be able to make my chapters longer in the future, and I hope you review!!! It's a 30 second kind gesture, so please do it! Im sorry about so much space in between, but, my computer is messed up. -_-  well, hopefully I'll have the next chapter done soon, more along the lines of within this week. 

Love,    

Qtpi920x                                                                                                                                                           


	2. show time

HelOoOOoOOOoO peepz~ first off, I want to thank a lot of you who reviewed, it really boosted me to get off my butt and start writing the second chapter ;)  
  
Anyway, some questions I'm gonna answer:  
  
~I think It will be…u/m but I'm seriously not sure…  
  
~well, I think I write depressing fics because it adds more plot to the story than just two people falling in love, having someone break them apart, the usual yada yada…and anywayz, its just my favorable genre I guess.  
  
~and regarding Shirazuki, you were rite about me rushing, so I'll try to make this chapter longer for yoo, k?  
  
**an hour later** nope…cant make it longer…I think im just descriptively challenged…T_T  
  
~ some of the reasons that I mixed the English names with Japanese weren't because I didn't know all of them, I just had preferences…I don't know, I just think serena sounds a lot prettier than usagi, ya know?  
  
~ oh yeah, thanks for all the suggestions everyone gave me!!!  
  
disclaimer: I don't own sailor moon. Bite me.  
  
^**^  
  
"Serena! Sammy! Dinner time!" Ikuko yelled from the bottom of the stairs, wondering if any of her children had heard her. She went back to the kitchen, finishing up on the tuna casserole and garnishing it with some parsley. After a while, it became apparent that both children had heard, they were just taking their time. One step at a time. Off the stairs. Slooowwwllyyy. (:D)  
  
'oh gosh…' Serena thought to herself.' Mom is going to totally flip out at my new haircut…whispering a silent prayer, she and her brother slowly entered the room. The bright yellow light of the kitchen chandelier greeted them. Sammy, who hadn't said anything about the apparent change in Serena, just decided to leave it. ' Not my problem.' Ikuko took one look at her daughter, and the mug of oolong tea she was holding dropped to the white tiled floor.  
  
"OH MY GOSH!" she rushed to embrace her teenage daughter. Or rather…her teenage daughter's hair. "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?! I MEAN, YOU'VE BEEN GROWING IT OUT SINCE YOU WERE FIVE!!" She was grabbing the strands and sobbing. " It was so BEAUTIFUL, what have you DONE-it looks nice honey." Abruptly the supposedly insane mother let go, and started cleaning up the bits and shards of the green mug of tea she had dropped about a minute earlier. 'Saved.' Thank goodness her mother was so linient…  
  
Serena, Sammy, and their mother were all waiting around the mahogany dining table, obviously waiting for their father to arrive. Smells of rice, soba, teriyaki, and kimchee (I know its Korean, but its SO GOOD!) wafted through the springtime air. Serena was drooling, but still managed to control herself. 'geez dad..where are you? We're starving!' some time later, Kenji walked in through the house and started taking of his hat and putting his worn black briefcase down. Pouring himself some water in a tall glass, he sat down at the table, drinking the contents of the glass while surveying his family.( you KNOW what's going to happen. But I just had to put this…) 'ahh…my darling wife…looking so stunning today…and Sammy…has been doing so well in school lately…save for Serena, who really needs to impr-pppppppppbbbllllllllttttttttt~!! He took one look at his daughter and automatically spit out the water in his mouth. Everyone, of course, had already started eating, and the outburst…or the unwanted spray of water was rather surprising.  
  
"Serena!!! What have you done to your hair!?" Kenji's eyes were so big they looked about ready to pop off, serena thought. 'eeeeew.'  
  
"I got it cut."  
  
"now now, sweetheart…" Ikuko replied. " don't you think you're being a little over reactive about her hair? I think it looks nice." From this remark, both children spit out the soda they had been drinking. 'this,' her brother thought,' from the woman who clutched my sister's hair for a full 2 minutes ranting and raving about it?' Serena must have been thinking along the same lines, because she was barely able to cover up her amusement. After everything was settled and eaten, both kids went back to their room.  
  
Serena closed the door of her room and sat down in her desk, pushing away all the volumes of manga and gum wrappers there were. 'from today on…I'm going to study hard. Too bad Luna isn't here to see this and call Ripley's. I wonder when she'll be back from Mina's house…' so from 9:00 to 3:00 in the morning, only stopping to go to the restroom, textbook after textbook slowly imprinted their information in Serena's tired brain. Physics. Chemistry, algebra, American literature, French II, make it stop…' bags appeared under her eyes, but she kept going…until she fell asleep right on her desk. Around the time Serena was snoring, Luna leaped in the window purposely left open for her. Glancing at the blonde haired teen, Luna spotted the books around her. 'the world must have come to and end, if Serena is actually studying. I must…be hallucinating.' She pranced to the baby blue leather bean bag that was her bed, and comfortably fell into a deep slumber.  
  
Once again, as the alarm clock beeped, Serena slowly got up, and followed her usual morning routine. 'i…need…more…sleep.' She thought to herself, as the jets of water in her shower massaged her neck and back. Stepping out and wrapping herself in an ivory colored fleece towel, she once again surveyed herself in the mirror. Looking at the pair of eyes that stared back at her, eventually, she broke away. ' serena…what have you become…so that you cant look at yourself in the mirror anymore…serena…' an eerie voice popped in her head, officially freaking the crap out of her. Getting dressed in her blue pleated skirt and blouse, she headed for school, grabbing an apple, and eating it along the way to her school. 'my bag…is getting so heavy. Maybe I shouldn't have brought all my books home.' She wasn't watching where she was going, until  
  
-whap.-  
  
bumping into something hard, she fell to the hard concrete. 'ouch.'  
  
"Serena?" she looked up.  
  
"Mamoru." She acknowledged him with a flip of her hair, wondering where else she could be.  
  
"Look…you were right yesterday…and I shouldn't be teasing you. I'm sorry." He looked at her with genuine sincerity.  
  
'he looks…so kind…just forgive him.' Another voice popped in her head. 'was he kind when he made fun of you at the arcade two days ago? Don't do this to yourself…if you do, you might just find yourself falling…don't…'  
  
"I'm sure you're sorry. Please excuse me, I must be getting to class." Not a single ounce of emotion in her voice. Arriving fifteen minutes before the early bell, Serena and Ms. Haruna were still not on speaking terms as of yesterday.  
  
" I hope you know, Tsukino, we're having a test today. We'll see who's been neglecting responsibilities." A smirk on the teacher's face appeared, only to be wiped off soon enough.  
  
"WOW, Ms. Haruna, you know, often at SCHOOL, we have TESTS. I know we're having one today. Guess what? I ALSO know that YOU'RE just trying to cover up when I humiliated you yesterday." Assuming the utmost formality as the other students walked in with their books, it was apparent that this girl, and this teacher…were NOT going to get along for the rest of the three months she had left in 10th grade. After roll call, second period, which was chemistry/science, had begun. She went down the rows of students, passing out the tests one by one.  
  
"now class, be able to tell me the difference of ionic and covalent bonds, as well as having the whole periodic table memorized. You have forty minutes. Begin."  
  
For the first time in her life, Serena actually understood the test material. And during the forty minutes, she breezed through it, being the first one to turn it in. 'In your face, ms. Haruna.' She sat back at her desk, quietly waiting for the rest to finish. The day dragged on slowly, as the classes' teachers were amazed at Serena's progress, and decided to pop a quiz. In every single class. 'every single class!!! How messed up ARE these teachers!?' during lunch, she sat by herself. lita, mina, and ami all sat at another table, unsure looks on every one of their faces. 'ugh.' Serena looked at her lunch, then at the girls. I don't know which one's more disgusting. My former friends backstabbing me some more, or this meatloaf that looks alive and bleeding.' She thought for a minute. 'yeah. Definitely the meatloaf.'  
  
^**^  
  
at 3:30, school ended, and swarms of students eager to get out lined the hallways. Serena was one of them, humming a tune and eager to go home. She was nearing the Crown arcade, and just as she was about to pass, all four scouts surrounded her. not giving them any hint of nervousness, Serena held her ground and looked like she could care less about what was going on. As of now, all the scouts were officially pissed at her. big time. And they wanted her out.  
  
"Serena…" Rei started. "We've decided to kick you off the team. You're no longer apart of the sailor scouts."  
  
"What you did yesterday was uncalled for. You don't deserve to be apart of us." Lita looked her straight in the eye.  
  
All while they were talking, something popped in Serena tsukino's mind. Something weird. Something no one probably would have expected.  
  
"No." she said in a light manner.  
  
"I'm sorry, but you don't have a choice." Ami began to say.  
  
"Actually…yes I do. You see, maybe if you ALL had a SILVER CRYSTAL, I would reconsider. But you know, I don't think I will quit the team. You know what? I think YOU ALL should quit, instead of me." She smiled apathetically, taking in the four girls' alarm. "because I can do without you. But you can't survive without me. You might as well give it up." She walked away, certain they would be there in the next youma attack. And no matter how much they tried to stop her, she would be too. And she would prove that they were worthless. 'there's going to be an attack tonight…I can feel it. And when those four girls come, they're going to wish…they had never doubted me.' Serena got home and finished her homework, with plenty of time to spare. Turning on the T.V, she flipped through the channels, watching everything that even appeared to be remotely interesting. –sigh- 'things are looking so different now…can I really survive this? Serena shook her head, ridding herself of the thought. 'don't care if I can…I have to.' Her mother called her at about 5:00 to help her with cooking dinner, and serena, having nothing better to do, agreed.  
  
"Serena…" Ikuko called her daughter in the form of more like a question than a statement.  
  
She looked up from chopping the cucumbers and grating the carrots.  
  
"yes?"  
  
"what happened?"  
  
"what do you mean?" Serena looked slightly alarmed that her mother knew something was going on.  
  
"you changed. Something hurt you deeply, and you changed."  
  
"how would you know?" the cold voice returning, after a bit of uncertainity.  
  
"I'm your mother. Of course I know. You've changed haven't you?"  
  
"what if I have? Its not like you bothered about it before!!!" she threw the knife down that she was cutting the chicken with and ran back into her room.  
  
"Serena…" Ikuko called quietly after her, knowing she wouldn't hear.  
  
Dinner was a quiet change to the busy life around everyone…more like the drama around everyone. Sammy was engrossed in his food, and serena had refused to look at her mother. Kenji, who was probably the most confused out of all the family, just grabbed a newspaper he had bought from his office vending machine and started reading. Not bothering to ask to be excused (that sounds weird…) Serena went up in her room, waiting for the youma to appear. The scouts were sure as heck not going to call her, so she just dumped her communicator in the trash bin. Closing her eyes and concentrating a moment or two Serena's blue cloudy eyes opened quickly. She looked out the window, in the east direction, facing the cherry temple. 'There.' Quickly transforming, she leapt out the window unaware that a certain black cat was eyeing her. 'I didn't even sense anything…yet she did. What powers is Serena hiding from me? What has she been hiding from…all of us?'  
  
Running at top speed to the cherry hill temple, she arrived alone. 'fools. They think I can't sense the scouts hiding in those trees and behind those bushes…oh well.' She smiled to herself. 'show time.'  
  
  
  
Hello again! How do you like the second chapter? Im sorry….i just cant get things to stop rushing…but I will TRY next tym ok? I mite not continue this, because I have SEVERE writers cramp…and fingers cramp…-_- well, still~ let me know if you enjoyed it ok? Please review!  
  
Love yoo peepz  
  
Qtpi920x  
  
Again, thank you for all your suggestions, and if you want me to email you when I update, just email me at qtpi920x@hotmail.com. 


	3. surprise...

Hey everyone! Sorry I didn't update, but I usually can't during the weekends, and I was racking my brain on what the heck I should write…and to make this story fit, I'm gonna hafta make dis u/m…so forgive me peepz, but im trying to make the best out of it…please read! (your choice if you wanna like it or not ;P)

Disclaimer – I don't own sailor moon…::sigh::

 On with the storii!!!   

Ice chap. 3 

          Serena arrived at the cherry hill temple just in time to get a glimpse of it before it saw her. 'The youma's not actually that ugly…I think it's a female, but I'm not sure…' Serena was having an inside battle with herself about the youma's gender, until she just settled for "it".  It actually looked like a young woman, leaned against one of the temple's pillars.  'is this really a youma?' it had the same confused look in its  dark brown eyes as Serena had before she transformed…hurt and lonely. 'I…I don't understand…how does this youma appear to be…human…with feelings of its own?' Serena wondered. Before she knew what was going on, she was walking towards it. Only a few feet apart, both their expressions were like a mirror, shining the same emotions. Slowly, Serena reached out a hand to touch the youma…only she was met by its hand, olive skin meeting ivory white. They stood there for what seemed like eternity, feeling connected in a way Serena had never felt before. Feeling each others' pain, knowing they were alone in the world. All of a sudden, however, it closed its chocolate eyes( figure of speech ppl…) and a dark black creature emerged from its body, creating two separate beings. It wasn't too big…more like the size of a football, but still scary nonetheless. 'no arms,' Serena observed, ' just a blob of black…this will be easy.' In a quick motion, a white ball of energy appeared at her fingertips and she shot it at her opponent. No screams, cries of agony. It just disappeared, leaving nothing behind. 'Except the…youma? No…it's a girl…could she possibly be…my kindred spirit? Could she be…a true feeling?' Serena had refused to let go of her hand, not wanting to break the connection with the girl, the only feeling of wholeness she had felt in a long time. 

          "So. You want to prove to us that you can handle the youma on your own, and then you BEFRIEND it?" Rei accused, as the rest of the sailor senshi stepped out of the bushes. Serena's eyes widened. 'they hadn't seen her destroy –very easily, I might add- the real youma. They still thought…her…friend…was the youma.'

          "'it' is a 'she'." Serena bit back. 

          "Well, we're not going to let it survive just because you approve of it." Lita said, preparing for attack. The woman began to come to, opening her eyes, and wondering where she was, until she saw Sailor Moon, still holding her hand.

          "Stop it Jupiter! She's not a you-" Serena got cut off as a bolt of lightning aimed straight for the "youma's" heart. She looked at Serena, clutching her hand still tighter, leaning against the pillar. Before it hit her, she leaned over and whispered something in the sailor senshi's ear.

          "_you and me…we're kindred…kindred…"_ with that the lightning bolt hit her, and  she no longer held the hand of her savior. Serena realized what had been done, and after all the finality, she just cracked. "no."  she stood up, facing the senshi.

          "NO!!" She screamed, with such power that the wind turned and the senshi were knocked away. Her eyes glittered dangerously. "do you realize that you just MURDERED SOMEONE?!"

          "t-the youma…that was the youma!" Lita tried to get up, but the power of Serena's anger was too strong.

          "THAT WAS A PERSON! I KILLED THE YOUMA ALREADY!" Serena poured all of her anger into that statement. Her heart turned cold. She uttered words that hurt more than her anger and remorse combined. "Live with it. Live with the fact that you killed an innocent person. Wake up every day knowing what your conscience tells you. You killed someone blameless. Live with it. Lord knows I couldn't."

and with that she walked away. Or rather, ran, not letting the others get the satisfaction of her tears. Her words echoed in her mind. 

          "_you and me…we're kindred…kindred…" _  tears fell and they wouldn't stop. ' I met my other half…my soul mate, and I didn't even get to talk to her, or even know her name. Only she felt what I went through…and they KILLED her…' fury replaced sorrow for the most part. She ran, ignoring the burning feeling in her legs. Never had a youma attack, for whatever reason, scarred her this much. Little did she know a masked man was watching her every move from atop the buildings. 'i've never seen her so angry…and never so calm before the battle. What's going on, Serena?' Tuxedo Kamen's eyes bored into the back of her head. Serena paused, stopped running , and slowly looked up. 

          "Stop following me!" 

          "Who said I was?"

          "I know you were. Who are you?" he jumped down from the small rooftop and landed in front of her. 

          "Well **Serena**, I guess it's only fair you should know." Fear crept into her eyes as she came to terms with what he had said. He knew her. She was about to run, but the curiosity of his identity kept her there. She turned to look at his face, ignoring the loud beating of her heart.  Tuxedo Kamen removed his mask…and she saw…

          "Mamoru!?" _'all along I've had a crush on…Mamoru!?'  _

Mamoru had expected at least a reaction, but Serena was too worn out tonight by too many shocks. So she did what she knew best to do. She turned around and ran. Thoughts crowded her vision. 'as long as I'm running somewhere. Away from everyone else. But…if you loved Tuxedo Kamen, does this mean you love Mamoru?' She questioned herself, unsure of anything at the moment. 'of course not! It doesn't mean you're automatically in love with someone just because you found out they were someone else, just like you are.' Serena crept back into her room, changed into her pajama's, and took a good night's sleep. 

~!!!~

Serena woke up early, it was only 4:45 in the morning. She buried herself into her fluffy pillow, taking the time to think over the things that happened just a few hours ago…okay, maybe more than a few hours ago. But it happened recently. 

'maybe…maybe I really do like Mamoru. But I'm just so sick of him teasing me…he doesn't want me around, of course not…' her eyes reflected pain, although at the time, she didn't know why. 'I like him…I guess…but…why did he have to say so many mean things to me…I said I'd make him pay, just like with the senshi…but I never expected him to be Tuxedo kamen. He's different…he apologized. Maybe he can understand me.' a glimmer of hope spread across her ocean blue eyes. 'Maybe…just maybe…' her eyes snapped open, an inside battle raging inside her. 'of course not! This is your worst enemy, the one person you could stand to be without!' her insides revealed another voice. 'could you really?' 'maybe if I could turn back time, -at this she let out a rueful laugh- I could make him love me…then I wouldn't be so lonely. Imagine, me, trying to turn back time, so my worst enemy can fall in love with me. How absurd.' She punched the pillow, venting her anger on the inanimate object. 'Mamoru, why did you have to be so mean, and so nice at the same time? Why are you in my life in the first place? Things would run so smooth without you…'  Suddenly, a bright flash appeared in her room, making Serena squint and pull the sheets of her powder pink bed over her head. A woman about the age of 20 appeared with dark black hair and green tints. Dark tanned hands held a staff, and adorned a dark red sailor fuku. Serena, still under the covers, muttered something that Sailor Pluto had to struggle to hear. When she did, the senshi of time almost laughed out loud. 

          "I put the check in the mail, I swear!!"  Setsuna gently poked the lump hidden in the bed (aka serena) and she cautiously poked her head out. when she got a glimpse, she practically lunged for the older woman, trapping her in a bear hug. 

"Setsuna!!!" 

"no time for chit-chat, Serena." A look of sadness crossed Setsuna's face. Then she smiled. "Don't fight what you have with Mamoru, Child. You're not supposed to. 

"you…you don't know what you're talking about." Serena had backed away, holding onto her desk behind her for support. "Mamoru doesn't want anything to do with me. All he does is pester me for the heck of it!" it was then that Setsuna grabbed Serena by her shoulders and came face to face with her. her eyes told the world that she was saying something she didn't want to say, but she was forced to. 

"Mamoru loves you. More than he loves anything else in the world. He's never shown it before, but ask him to and by God he will. so don't you **dare** take it for granted." 

"Y-you…you love him." Setsuna looked shocked when she heard the truth she didn't even want to admit to herself. 

"it is destiny. You are destined to be with him. But you are wrong. I love him **too**. And that makes all the difference."

"I-I…I don't love him."  She glared at the blonde haired girl and then laughed bitterly.

"I'm giving up my happiness so you both can have yours. Don't you dare deny with your brain what your heart tells you so clearly." Setsuna loosened her grasp on the girl and stroked her cheek with tenderness. And then she left. 

~!!~

Still shaken up by the visit from Setsuna, her day at school passed quickly. Or maybe she just wasn't paying attention. Either way, today, she didn't have the heart to put up her mask. She just sat in a daze, wondering what to do, ignoring everyone and everything. When she got out of school, she ran as fast as she could to the crown arcade. She wanted to see Mamoru…but she was afraid. What if things weren't supposed to be this way? What if things didn't turn out the way Setsuna had planned? What if…what if…walking in through the dusty ebony doors, she spotted that ugly olive green jacket and made a beeline for him. She tapped him hard on his shoulder, ignoring all the doubts in her mind. It was pretty hard though. The calm she had had before had disappeared. Anxiousness took its place. He turned around, waiting for her to talk .

"You. Me. Outside. Talk. **Now**." 'Serena, you idiot…can't you even speak a complete sentence?' she silently berated herself. They walked out, still keeping a reasonable distance from each other. Well, at least Serena was. When they were away from everyone sitting on a bench, she began to talk. 

"i…I'm sorry. But you know," She turned to look at him. "you were being such in insufferable jerk." Some of the fire returned to her eyes. 

He was looking at her with a strange look in his eyes. 

          "Mamoru, are you listening to me? I wanna call a truce…and I hope…well maybe we can be friends one day, seeing as you really apolozi-" she was cut off as the 19 year old guy sitting next to her leaned in and kissed her. 

~!!!~

ok, ok, I probably going to either get bery good reviews, or bery angry ones…this chapter probably doesn't make any sense right now, but bear with me, all you revenge seekers, and drama ppl will like the ending I hope! So please tell me what you thought of the chapter…flames aren't welcome. But constructive criticism is!  Give me an idea and I mite use it…of course, I'll give you credit for it. I pretty much have the whole story planned out, but give me suggestions anyway, ok? Thank you all for reviewing, it means a lot to me! (gives my ego quite a boost too… heh…-_-)  well, anyway, byebye peepz!


	4. break down?

Hey peepz~! There was a lotta questions raised in the last chapter, but hopefully I can answer them…-_- 

~Well, ths fic is more like a/u, so theres a lot going on that shouldn't be, like the knowledge of sailor Pluto.

~Also this was more like a brief interlude, just to stir up sum stuff…I think it will make sense later, you just have to keep reading…

~And I understand that things were too short, I'll try to make them way longer, but don't expect anything…

~The enemy…isn't really important in this story, because 1:I made the enemy up, its not like any of the other previously done enemies…

And 2: well, its just sorta needed as more like a side show.

~no, this wont be like, all happy lovey dovey just because he kissed her…but you'll see. 

~and maybe…theres a way for this to be not u/m…or s/m…w/e you call it

~once again…I use both jap. And American names…well, just because I think some of them are prettier than others…;)

~theres probably going to be more…confrontations,but I'm really not sure if this chapter has it though…

disclaimer: don't own sailor moon…T_T

Ice chap. 4 

          Serena stumbled out of the oak bench, appalled. She regained her dignity and stood up tall, pointing an accusing finger at the one previously sitting next to her. previously _kissing _her. she shuddered. Fury. For the past night she had so much of it and this only added it on. 

          "you. Bastard. You stole my first kiss!" (ceres…) she hissed, glaring at Mamoru with nothing short of hate. Serena's feet dug into the grassy area, littered with bits of popcorn and gum wrappers. "I wanted to TALK you idiot! TALK! My first kiss was supposed to be reserved for someone I ACTUALLY care about! Not in a sort of –enemy way!" her voice started out as dangerous whispers and slowly rose in volume until she was screaming. Mamoru looked at the angry 16 year old teenager. then he looked at the worn grass below him. And he realized what he had done. Getting up also out of the bench, he turned and slowly walked away from the shouting girl, not uttering one word in his defense, or hers; letting her words sink in.

          "Come back here! I'm not done talking!" Serena yelled as Mamoru heard less and less clearly. But she was NOT going to go chase after him. Not again. 

          When she was sure he was out of sight and hearing range, walked for a few minutes to the crown arcade she visited so frequently yet again, muttering unclean words at a certain guy. '_great, Serena. This is what happens when you think you start to like someone. Im trying to apologize and he tries to kiss me! The nerve! Maybe its not too late to go and wash my lips.'_ Her annoying shoes clicked against the tile as she walked over to one of the used up leather upholstered booths. Not bothering to take the time or go to any trouble whatsoever, she turned sideways and just lied down in the seat, looking up at the black light in the yellow lamp.  _'what have I done…no wait. What has HE done?! That sorry *@^@@#$…and my first kiss! Maybe if it was my tenth kiss…' _her mind wandered for a long time in the booth, almost half an hour. Even if it seemed like a long time to others, thirty minutes passed like a storm. She was too absorbed in her thoughts to realize what time it was. People had begun to stare at this strange person, but Serena couldn't care less. she eyed the beginning of the sunset through the huge windows as she sat up. Orange and pink were all swirled into one. _'shoot!'_ Serena looked at her baby blue watch. '_I'm supposed to be home in three minutes!'_ As she got up out of the booth to leave, Motoki called out to her. 

          "Serena! Are you sure you're ok?" concered for his friend, questions arose in his mind. 

Serena glared at Motoki, and turned cold again as she spoke.

          "why don't you ask your **friend**?" she spat out, and then silence ensued as she turned around and made her way home. Her heart pounded against her chest as she sprinted down one corner and onto another. Her books in her brown bookbag were weighing her down, but nonetheless she arrived at her doorstep in record time. Dropping her books on the little shelf by the door, she trodded up the white carpeted stairs to go change out of her uniform. Stepping down the stairs a few minutes later in black pants and a white tee shirt, Serena  went cautiously into the kitchen, almost dreading the conversation with her mother after what happened last night. Serena went past the table and saw Ikuko, and just stood there, as if she was waiting for something, anything to happen. When nothing did, she went upstairs again and into her room, starting on her algebra homework.

          Mamoru Chiba shoved his hands in his pockets and walked up the concrete stairs to his apartment. When he got there, before actually putting the key in the…keyhole, he just leaned against the door. _'God…what have I done? Isn't that what every girl wants me to do?' _he walked into his large apartment and started watching some T.V, trying to forget the humiliation. _'heh…it seems like Serena's humiliating everyone these days.'_ Rei had told him of her dilemma with her former friend…if that's what you called it. He had work to be doing from the university of Tokyo, but sometimes thinking and doing nothing was a bit more important. '_wow…I didn't know odango could change so much…but she did. And she's not even my odango anymore.'_  He ran his hand through his ebony hair, wondering what was going to become of their friendship. If they even had one. _'seems like…Serena doesn't have any friends anymore. And she's learning to rely on herself. She's acting like Rei, Lita, Mina, Ami and I always wanted her to act. But…does anyone really want that anymore?'_ he took out a frozen dinner and popped it in the microwave for 2 minutes. When the microwave dinged, Mamoru took it out and ate in silence, not really caring if it scalded his mouth and tongue or not. 

          _'dinner sucked. Never has there been such a silent dinner between us that we could hear each other breathing. But it gave me time to think.'_ The rice and eggs in her stomach threatened to come up as she stood, ready and willing to do what she had planned. 

          "Setsuna! I need you right now!!!" Serena yelled into nowhere. _'seems like…these days im either yelling or silent. How I wish it was like old times…_' she realized what she'd just admitted to herself what she'd wanted all along. But no way was she going to back down. Not in this lifetime.

          Immediately the woman she had seen this morning appeared, serious as ever. Serena coughed as she breathed in the smoke that had accompanied Setsuna's arrival. 

          "you." Ice dripped from the word, so much that it was all sailor Pluto could do to keep from shivering. "what were you trying to accomplish, Pluto? We make our destiny, you don't TELL us. If you wanted me to break Mamoru's heart just so you could "comfort" him and have him love you, you could have done it WITHOUT involving me. (a/n: dum dum dum….the plot revealed…) Setsuna turned around and prepared to leave.

          "I don't have to take this."

Serena grabbed her shoulder and turned her around with so much force Setsuna was taked by surprise.

          "oh yes you do." Serena's blue eyes glittered severely at her. "you were my friend, Pluto, after I lost all my friends I thought YOU  would still be there. But if you **ever** use me as a pawn to get what you want again, you'll regret it. I swear. You'll regret it." Setsuna made a move to escape the girl's painful grasp by using an attack with her trusted staff, but before she could summon it, Serena put one hand against her chest and an enormous wind crashed Pluto against the wall, knocking over a chair and some books. She closed her dark red eyes, ignoring the immense pain in her back and shoulders, and then reopened them again. Using all of her strengh, Setsuna spoke in a barely audible tone.

          "you were hiding your powers all along, weren't you?" it was more of a statement than a question, and in a way, Setsuna already knew what the answer would be.

          "They weren't needed." Serena stood in a casual position. "I never thought the day I needed to bring them out of hiding was the day my friends…ALL my friends… betrayed me. Used me. As if I'm an object, aimed at getting what you want. Well you know what, Pluto? I'm changing destiny. Go after Mamoru. Because I'm not." Serena was about to exit the room when she heard her voice.

          "thank you." Barely heard. Barely acknowledged. Serena paused before answering. She slowly turned around facing the senshi of time.

          "don't thank me. You're not worth it." And with that, she slammed the door, leaving a woman behind whose life had a chance to change.

          When serena exited her room, she put on a jacket and took a walk outside. All the streetlights were lit, as her sneakers enjoyed the feeling of the asphalt road under them. her legs were sore from running so much, but Serena was determined so run if off. As she took a jog around her neighborhood, thoughts of Sailor Pluto and Mamoru came to mind. '_my last gift to my last friend. I'm so sorry I had to be hard on you…but you, setsuna, deserve happiness more than anyone else I know.and you would never have accepted my gift if I hadn't been like that. So I'm going to give it to you. I'm going to give you the love that you've been watching…the love that you never thought you could have. And you better be happy…because you're changing destiny. But don't worry. We do it all the time.' _With that she smiled a genuine smile for the first time this week. She passed Mamoru's apartment, and even though she knew she'd done the right thing, something inside Serena was whispering to her that Mamoru wasn't good enough for Setsuna. _'no matter. Im changing everything. And I don't care what the future holds. Destiny was made to be changed.'_  

~!!~

          a senshi meeting was taking place at Mina's house, but no one was talking. They all knew what the main problem was. Serena. 

          "Are we really not needed?" Ami looked at the ground as she spoke up.  All of them sat around a table with cookies, cake, and drinks, but no one could bear to eat them, it all reminded them of Serena pigging out. 

          "of COURSE we are! Didn't you see what happened in the last battle? Jupiter—"  mina was cut off. ( I do that a lot, don't I?)

          "Jupiter killed someone. Just like Serena said." Rei said, sullenly. Lita spoke up then, for all of them.

          "what's with this change? She's so different, you know, its like, she never used to be like his 3 days ago…" everyone's eyes widened at the comment; they had figured out what inspired Serena's change.

          "She heard us." Mina whispered, her eyes stricken with horror. "she heard us at the crown arcade."

          "she couldn't have!" Rei panicked, using a tone of desperation.

          "Think about it guys…she usually goes there after school. Imagine what she felt. We left her out AND we insulted her to no end." Everyone listened in silence when Ami spoke the words that no one wanted to hear.

          "I…I miss her, guys." Mina spoke with unshed tears in her eyes. Everyone nodded agreement, except for Rei.

          "look what she did to us guys! She accused us, she poured coffee on me!" Rei's arms flailed as she tried to make a statement while still sitting in the black leather couch in mina's house. All of the other senshi turned to look at her and Lita spoke for all of them once again.

          "Rei…look what we did to **her**."  Rei looked miserable, as if her own heart was breaking into tiny pieces. But in fact all their hearts were breaking. They didn't need to announce what was happening in the next split second, because all of them got up out of the large Japanese style living room, grabbed their jackets off the wooden coat rack, and sprinted out the door. 

~!!~

Serena was just about ready to walk in the door of her house, feeling refreshed again, ready to go to bed. _'man, I must have been running for at least an hour…'_ she glanced at her watch and then used the key to open the door. Serena was just about to walk in her house when she heard four voices calling…actually, yelling her name. 

          "SERENA!!!"  her light-heartedness disappeared and the heavy burden she carried for the past days returned. 

          "I'm listening." Was all she said.

          "We're so sorry Serena…we know you heard us at the arcade that day, and we're sorry. We didn't mean to insult you or leave you out, its just that none of us could find you." Mina's voice begged Serena to believe them.

          "oh I see how it is!!!" sarcasm dripped like honey. "you insulted me by ACCIDENT, and then you went to the one place I go EVERY SINGLE DAY and leave me out, again, BY ACCIDENT. You really think—" (there I go cutting off again)

she was interrupted as Rei pulled her into a hug. 

          "We missed you so much…please forgive us." At this Serena's eyes widened and she took a step back, breaking off the embrace. 

          "you want me. To forgive you. For trying to kick me off the sailor senshi team, leaving me out, making fun of me to no end, and never being satisfied for who I am. What a load of bull shit. Well you're mistaken. You did this to me. Yet another thing you have to live with." And with that Serena slammed the door, retreating in to her house. When she got to her room, she started straightening up the things Setsuna had knocked over. When she was done, she attempted on her homework, but Serena was too occupied. More mentally than physically. In a few moments after brushing her teeth, she tiredly got into bed, hugging a teddy bear she'd had since she was five. Luna peeked in, amazed at the new information she'd learned in one night. Serena hadn't seen her peek in through the door she left ajar of the heated conversation earlier that night…and the scouts hadn't seen her cry herself to sleep. 

~!!~

well, I hope you understand what I was going for when I had u/m kiss…and I hope you liked this chapter better. Please review if you liked it ok? I appreciate it. Thankz again to all of you who reviewed! Byebye~!


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